It was a rough fall semester, to say the least. I received my fourth fellowship rejection of the year. I only accomplished one task that was relatively low on my priority list and got nothing done that I had aimed to get done. To top it all off, I dropped the ball in another major training area as well. I was more stressed than I had ever been in my life. As a person who is frequently described as “low-stress,” “chill,” and “a calming presence,” you can imagine how foreign that felt. I was losing hair and gaining greys. I started gaining weight at an alarming rate as well, which was particularly disappointing given that I had been working hard during the year and had dropped 15 lbs. I spent quite a few days from late October through early November crying my eyes out, another uncharacteristic occurrence. I had a hard time being hopeful and even encouragement from friends, family, and church felt like it was bouncing off a brick wall. True though they were, I couldn’t believe the words sung in worship. I started hating everything about where I was. Doubts about my life choices and future goals started to marinate, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether I was making a mistake coming to this program or whether I should divert to a non-academia-oriented career path post-graduation (if I even get to graduation). Even now, my winter break isn’t a break since I have more work due at the top of the semester, not to mention all of the things from last semester that didn’t manage to get done. It’s no wonder I have been absent from the blog.

On Christmas Day, I was talking to the Lord and said that it had been a terrible year. There isn’t anything to look forward to in 2024. However, neither of those things is true. As I’ve been able to step back and take a wider view, it was mostly just the fall where I struggled. January through August were incredible. I was able to go to travel to two conferences in the spring, one of which was in Sweden. I took the opportunity to return to the land of my birth, England, which was absolutely amazing! I loved it so much and definitely need to plan a return trip soon! I passed all the milestones necessary to receive the master’s degree on the way to my Ph.D. I was able to attend a niche professional development course in my area of research in NYC. As I remembered these things, I realized that there is much to be grateful for this year despite the difficulties that I experienced in the final third of the year.

Maybe, you too are like me and feel like 2023 wasn’t all that you hoped it would be. Still, I’m here to remind you as I remind myself that God is still faithful. God is still good. God still has a plan for you. Often, the hardest moments come before the biggest breakthroughs. God hasn’t left you or forsaken you. He’s using your circumstances to build you and draw you closer to him. That may not take away the pain of the present moment, but it should give you hope to know that God is not done with you yet. He’s refining you. As Tauren says, “If it’s not good then he’s not done. No, he’s not done with it yet.” Keep waiting on the Lord. He’s going to make it good in his timing.

Stay blessed Holy Academes! I’ll see you on the other side.